Has anyone else subscribed to Popbitch's weekly email.

 

It's free, you just type in your email address (no other questions etc) and you get the mail every Thursday.

 

It's absolutley awesome. Everyone I know who's tried it agrees.

 

I think you sign up at http://www.popbitch.com

 

This is todays:

 

 

*****************************************************

The Sunday Times Rich List peers into the pockets

of the filthy rich. Search the extended online lists

to find out how much Brand Beckham is worth this

year, how Coldplay divide the spoils and what

Jordan hasn't spent on plastic surgery - yet!

http://tinyurl.com/zrdwo

*****************************************************

 

 

"Meaningless sex outside of a relationship is really

horrible and pathetic and lonely." - Tom Cruise

-----------------------------------------------------

POPBITCH _ _ _

_ __ ___ _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__

| '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \

| |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | |

| .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_|

|_| |_| 27.04.06 ISSUE 298

Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe

go to http://www.popbitch.com

 

* Sir Cliff versus the Blairs

* K-Fed versus Dolby

* Charts: Gnarls Barkley is still number one

-----------------------------------------------------

 

 

>> The cheesy Simpsons

Ash and Jess demand a pizza the action

 

Jessica and Ashlee Simpson stayed at the

Hilton hotel in Sydney on their recent MTV-funded

trip. The hotel has one of the city's best

restaurants, the Glass Brasserie, run by one

of Australia's top chefs, Luke Mangan.

The sisters went for dinner there one night,

but wouldn't eat anything on the delicious menu

(steaks, oysters, baby barramundi, chocolate

tart etc). So what are two spoiled, hungry

celebrities to do? Well, you sit in the

restaurant in silence, surrounded by four

enormous bodyguards, and order in from Pizza

Hut - a large pepperoni and double cheese.

 

http://www.glassbrasserie.com.au/

 

 

-----------------------------------------------------

At the PFA awards Liverpool players spent £5,000 on

booze, West Ham players spent £7,000 but Chelsea

players spent just £350 by sticking to Budweiser.

-----------------------------------------------------

 

 

>> Doing it for the kids

Blue singer hits morning assembly

 

Anthony Costa is filling his post-pop star days

brightening up the lives of Hertfordshire

school-kids. He spent a morning singing at the

primary school close to his parents' house in

Sawbridgeworth. The head-teacher thanked

Anthony, telling him how much these visits

were appreciated by the children. Anthony

proclaimed that he disagreed. "****ing"

Terry Nutkins visited his primary school,

apparently, and was a "boring *******."

 

 

-----------------------------------------------------

Gruesome Twosome: Zac Goldsmith (the Tories green

guru) and Kate Goldsmith (wife of brother Ben).

-----------------------------------------------------

 

 

>> Big Questions

Who people are asking about this week

 

Which sharp-tongued fashion designer made a

spectacle of himself at a brothel in Rio

this year? At brothel 202, the fashionista

asked for the three biggest black guys

to shag him, but had forgotten to douche so

sprayed the room with poo.

 

Which young Hollywood star is thinking of

announcing that he is bisexual?

 

 

-----------------------------------------------------

A school in Kuala Lumpur is punishing student who

don't do their homework by making them watch porn.

-----------------------------------------------------

 

 

>> Confessions of Madonna's tour

The roller-skating horses of the Middle East

 

Madonna's Confessions of a Dancefloor tour has

sold out around the world. Some details of

what to expect:

 

* Live To Tell will be performed on a crucifix.

* Music is just an instrumental interlude

during which her dancers will roller-skate before

Madge skates on to sing Everybody.

* Three themed sections - equestrian, Middle

East and disco.

* Set list is - Future Lovers, Get Together,

Like a Virgin, Jump, Live to Tell, Forbidden Love,

Isaac, Sorry, Like It Or Not, Sorry (remix).

I Love New York, Let It Will Be, Ray of Light,

Drowned World/Substitute for Love, Paradise

[Not For Me], Music, Everybody, Deeper and Deeper

Lucky Star, Hung Up

 

Backstage photos including the crucifix and

dancers' equestrian leather muzzle:

http://www.popbitch.com/pictures

 

 

*****************************************************

?Johnny Borrell and the band have been in the studio

completing the new Razorlight album. Catch the first

play of new single ‘In The Morning’ with Jo Whiley

on Radio One next Wednesday (3rd) around midday.?

*****************************************************

 

 

>> Everything changes

Howard loves Brummie boobs

 

Highlights from the Take That tour:

Birmingham NEC, Wednesday 26th April.

 

Howard Donald "The best thing about coming

back to Birmingham after 12 years is that last

time we were here all the girls had pancakes,

and now you've all got massive boobs".

 

Mark Owen (under breath) "We said in rehearsals

were weren't going to do that one".

 

 

-----------------------------------------------------

America has admitted to having 100,000 spies.

-----------------------------------------------------

 

 

>> Dangerous Cliff

Tony's going on a summer holiday

 

It must be almost all over for Tony Blair.

Forget the NHS crisis, prisons debacle

and his colleagues' affairs, now even

aging pop stars are putting the boot in.

Friends of Sir Cliff Richard are claiming

that Sir Cliff was far from happy with Tony and

Cherie borrowing his house in Barbados. The

first time he lent them his home, the singer

was apparently disappointed that they didn't

offer to anything. When the Blairs asked

again, Sir Cliff grudgingly said yes, but

insisted on an arrangement where the PM would

make an appropriate donation to Cliff's

favourite charity.

 

Some months later, the charity's accountants

were asked about the payment. They confirmed a

donation had been made as requested. But how

much did the Blairs decide to pay? Cliff's

friends are putting it about that the amount

the PM thought was appropriate to rent a

luxury villa in Barbados for over two weeks...

was about the cost of a meal for two in a

London restaurant.

 

 

-----------------------------------------------------

Florida is being over-run by huge pythons. 93 were

caught last year, one exploded after trying to eat

an alligator and another ate a cat and a turkey.

-----------------------------------------------------

 

 

>> K-Hole

Britney's hubby struggles with rap career

 

Poor Kevin Federline. His quest to become

America's biggest (and most fertile) rap

artist has been met with constant derision.

Now he's even getting sued. By Thomas Dolby.

 

Federline sampled Mobb Deep's Got It Twisted

on America's Most Hated, but the sample

originally came from Dolby's She Blinded Me

With Science. Dolby is livid that K-Fed

unwittingly but illegally used his music.

"It's like what Vanilla Ice did with Ice, Ice

Baby, " said Dolby, "Although I think Vanilla

Ice is a superstar compared to this guy."

 

Of course, Dolby's rant has everything to do

with musical integrity and nothing to do

with the fact that he wants to make a comeback

this summer (supporting Depeche Mode at the

Wireless Festival) and yet hasn't troubled

the charts since 1983.

 

 

-----------------------------------------------------

Hugh Grant and Jemima Goldsmith are buying a house

together in Chelsea for around 15 million pounds.

-----------------------------------------------------

 

 

>> Grim up North

This week's Norwegian black metal update

 

CN writes:

"Following on from last week's Gorgoroth story,

I used to live in Bergen, Norway, the dark

metal capital of the world, with the brother of

the now late drummer of Gorgoroth, who sadly

committed suicide. I would come home from

University and there would be a collection

of medieval weapons by the door, where most

people would leave their umbrellas. And in

the living room a bunch of guys made up as

corpses would be sipping tea and discussing

fine art or something entirely unexpected."

 

(FYI: German black metal band Nargaroth wrote a

song for Gorgoroth's drummer, Grim, after his

suicide, Erik - May You Rape The Angels.)

 

 

-----------------------------------------------------

The Maury Povich Show was slapped with a $100m suit

by an employee. It is "permeated with the use of

alcohol, pornographic videos and parties inviting

open and notorious sexual activities," apparently.

-----------------------------------------------------

 

 

>> Celebrity tetris

Shuffling around the publicity matrix

 

How to use a celebrity to your advantage:

 

1. Have a new online gambling company?

Look around for a popular, downmarket

celebrity to front it.

2. Announce that Kerry Katona is the new

face of your brand.

3. Watch her career slide under accusations

of drug use and boozing.

4. Decide you want to get rid of her but

don't want to look like you're kicking

her while she's down.

5. Prepare to leak to the papers that she's

been up to some bad behaviour so her contract

has to be ripped up.

6. You get publicity, the tabloids get a story,

Kerry gets thrown out on her ear, you don't

look bad.

 

... 7. Except it's not a good idea to discuss

this so openly on a Palma-London EasyJet flight,

within earshot of two reporters...

 

 

-----------------------------------------------------

"Tom's taking it out now" - Tom Baker has been

dropped as the voice if BT talking text messages.

-----------------------------------------------------

 

 

>> Things that make you go hmmm

Big Brother, Acid fish, water otters

 

On Saturday, Charlie Sheen launched his new

range of children's clothing. The day before,

wife Denise Richards applied for a restraining

order in which she accused Sheen of watching

internet porn sites featuring young girls.

http://tinyurl.com/evwu7

 

Need a date for the weekend?

http://www.dating4disabled.com/users/profile.asp?userid=5814>>

 

Big Brother Australia has a saucy mother and

daughter on it this year:

http://bigbrother.3mobile.com.au/hm.asp

 

The Gay & Lesbian Kingdom of the Coral Sea Islands:

http://www.gayandlesbiankingdom.com

 

The Owl pub in Lippits Hill in High Beech, Essex,

has for many years kept a water otter in a large

tank in their beer garden.

http://www.beerintheevening.com/pubs/s/12/12676/Owl/High_Beech

 

The cutest otters ever?

http://www.thephotoforum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=47685

 

Get high and keep up your omega-3 intake:

http://www.practicalfishkeeping.co.uk/pfk/pages/item.php?news=911

 

Bored in the office? Addictive game to play"

http://snipurl.com/ppk1

 

 

>> Chart Predictions

New entries for Sunday 30th April

 

++ Number One

GNARLS BARKLEY Crazy

 

++ Top Ten

RACONTEURS Steady As She Goes

DIRTY PRETTY THINGS Bang Bang You're Dead

SNOW PATROL You're All I Have

CHICANE Stoned In Love

RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS Dani California

 

++ Top Twenty

MICHAEL JACKSON Black Or White

HIM Killing Loneliness

 

 

>> End Bit

Help Popbitch!

 

* Email stories, gossip:

hello@popbitch.com

 

* Popbitch is published by Popdog Ltd.

 

* Web hosting by: http://www.thebunker.net

 

* Mail by aysabtu

 

* Annoyed that Arsenal are in the Champions

League Final? Take part instead in the

Champions League of Poker, online this week.

The final will take place on May 16th in

Chelsea, with the final table being taken

straight on to Paris for the football Champions

League Final the next day.

http://www.goalpoker.com

 

**************************************************

Thanks to: AM, N, plastiktom, dollymixture, JO, F

aussierules, SY, scally_wag, Tarka, spudbunny, T,

simon_cowell, wardy, T, Superchickennoodle, GE,

L-R, ME,

*****************************************************

 

Old Jokes Home:

A bloke walks into a lift and

stands next to a very pretty woman.

 

He asks, "Excuse me, can I smell your fanny?"

"No!" she replies, "Don't be disgusting."

"Oh well," the man shrugs his shoulders,

"It must be your feet then."

 

Still Bored?

Big furry rabbits:

http://home.pacbell.net/bettychu/2004allbreedbisris/2004bisindex.html

I love that site, I'm signing up.

 

Thanks

celtiagirl writes:

"Spotted: the Hoff in the bmi lounge, clearly

very animated and excited about his flight.

He chatted loudly and enthusiastically to

everyone, then seemed to get suddenly very

tired. He fell into a deep, deep sleep until

he was woken by his mobile phone. When the

caller asked where he was, he bellowed:

'I think I'm in Dublin'.

 

"Alas, he was still in Heathrow."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

>> Celebrity stupids

It's Asda price for Iman

 

A fashion stylist was working for David

Bowie and Iman. The supermodel gave him a

list of designers she wanted called in -

Armani, Gucci, Jean Paul Gauliter and George

Adasda. "George Adasda?" the stylist replied?

She said yes, he's a very hot English designer,

everyone was talking about him.

 

Suddenly the stylist twigged...

George at Asda.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

>> The high life

Wake me up before you turn go go

 

Gamma Butyrolactone (GBL), closely related to

GHB, is increasingly the drug of choice for

London's narcotic connoisseurs. It produces

a short, intense rush, heightens sexual

pleasure and is metabolised very quickly -

so almost impossible for, say, police to detect.

 

GBL does have one major side-effect. It induces

a deep, unrousable sleep which can come on

quite unexpectedly. Like, perhaps, when you're

a super-famous pop star driving home from a

night's cruising and the traffic lights in

front suddenly turn green...

hehe love it, get it every week :D

"Batty man does not mean gay. A batty man is

a man that like to have sex through the rear;

he isn't gay." Beanie Man

-----------------------------------------------------

POPBITCH _ _ _

_ __ ___ _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__

| '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \

| |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | |

| .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_|

|_| |_| 02.11.06 ISSUE 324

Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe

go to http://www.popbitch.com

 

* Kat Slater, reggae music, irie.

* Skeletor says it with flowers

* Charts: Fedde le Grande is number one

-----------------------------------------------------

 

 

>> Get the Abbie habit

Blonde ambition sinks Reese and Ryan?

 

Abbie Cornish is the Australian actress

linked to the separation of Ryan Phillippe

and Reese Witherspoon. Some of Abbie's past

co-stars aren't that surprised. The blonde

likes to get close to the important people on

set. In The Golden Age, which she has recently

filmed, Abby seemed to spend much of her time

cosying up to the Director, Shekhar Kapur.

 

 

-----------------------------------------------------

Ryan Adams and Bryan Adams have the same birthday -

5th November.

-----------------------------------------------------

 

 

>> Celebrity Donger

Not all big stars are big stars

 

A recent conquest of Entourage's Jeremy Piven

says that, alas, TV's Mr 10% is, in reality,

still Mr 10%. She says unfortunately it

"was not even fun size."

 

 

-----------------------------------------------------

Palm Beach, Florida, has the most thoughtful burglars.

A woman woke at 3.30am last Sunday to find an intruder

kneeling at the foot of her bed, licking her big toe.

-----------------------------------------------------

 

 

>> Big Questions

What people are asking this week

 

Which Hollywood star likes to go cruising for

bulldogs? No, not the fat, slobbering dogs,

sadly. But short, stocky and paunchy men with

shaved heads. Handlebar moustache is a plus

but too many muscles are a turn-off.

 

 

-----------------------------------------------------

Bonanza's Lorne Greene had one of his nipples

bitten off by an alligator.

-----------------------------------------------------

 

 

>> Say it with flowers

Victoria goes that extra half an inch

 

The co-writer of Victoria Beckham's new book,

That Extra Half An Inch, was invited to take

afternoon tea with Victoria to "celebrate".

When she arrived she was told excitedly by

Victoria's people that Skeletor had a present

for her. Waiting for her was... a signed copy

of the book, which she had co-written anyway,

and a bunch of flowers. Which was nice.

 

 

-----------------------------------------------------

Virgin Atlantic cabin crew are claiming that Gareth

Gates is currently in training to be a trolley-dolly.

-----------------------------------------------------

 

 

>> Alone again (naturally)

Michael Jackson's state of shock

 

Now Michael Jackson is staying in Dublin

there have been tonnes of supposed sightings of

him in recording studios (eg Metropolis, London)

but a few days ago Jacko did actually visit the

US Embassy in Dublin to conclude some business.

He arrived at the building's back entrance, then

got out of the car with his face hidden, pleading

for no pictures to be taken. It was only when he

got inside the building that he saw there was

no-one at all waiting for him outside the Embassy.

 

 

-----------------------------------------------------

Paris Hilton has been staying at the Chicago

Peninsula Hotel under the name Ms Heimen.

-----------------------------------------------------

 

 

>> Gym-slip

Heather's sauna experience

 

P writes:

"A friend of mine used to go to the same gym

as Heather Mills. One day they were both in the

sauna when Heather's leg fell off on to my

friend. Heather didn't bat an eyelid and just

said 'Sorry, that's mine.' Then took it back."

 

 

-----------------------------------------------------

Nice to see Madonna's adopted son David (age one) is

already a Kabbalah devotee and wearing the red ribbon.

-----------------------------------------------------

 

 

>> Winter Soundtrack: no 1

The curious incident of the reggae on myspace

 

Karl Matthews has Asperger's syndrome, like the

boy in Mark Haddon's novel, The Curious Incident

of the Dog in the Night-Time. Asperger's usually

gives you a circumscribed area of interest in the

world which leaves no room for more usual

interests or functions. Karl only cares about

reggae and Eastenders. Nothing else. So he's

made some reggae songs about his two favourite

Eastenders characters, Kat Slater and Gary Hobbs.

And, curiously, he has made a work of genius.

 

Listen to Kat Slater, a no 1 hit in waiting:

http://www.myspace.com/karlmatthews

 

 

-----------------------------------------------------

It is illegal to carry ice cream in your pocket

in Kentucky.

-----------------------------------------------------

 

 

>> War of words

Why Razorlight fight

 

Some people close to Razorlight are speculating

that the reason Johnny Borrell and drummer

Andy Burrows keep scuffling in public is that

Andy wrote America, their biggest hit, and

gave Johnny a credit on it. And of course,

we've all been encouraged to think that

Razorlight is just about Johnny.

 

 

-----------------------------------------------------

Quadrant Bus Station, Swansea, has been voted

fifth best place for gay cruising in the world.

-----------------------------------------------------

 

 

>> Aki the Bogeyman

Be careful where you squat

 

Akinwale Arobieke, a Liverpool man, has

been ordered by a judge not to feel people's

muscles. During the last 20 years around

Merseyside people have been sharing stories

about a character called Purple Aki, until he

became little more than an urban myth. Kids

scared each other with stories that Aki would

approach muscular boys in gyms and give them

the option of being bummed or their face

slashed with a razor. It seems that although

Purple Aki, in reality, wasn't that bad, he

was pretty weird. Aki has been ordered not to

"touch, feel or measure muscles or ask

people to do squat exercises in public."

 

 

-----------------------------------------------------

Popbitch's favourite Foreign Minister -

Guyana's Rudy Insanally.

-----------------------------------------------------

 

 

>> Trivial pursuit

Where trivia really comes from

 

We were inundated with emails following our

claim last week that the word trivia came

from Ancient Rome, from information centres

set up where three roads met. Many alternative

explanations were given. We're going to go

with this, unless someone tells us otherwise.

 

In the Middle Ages, a university education

consisted of the seven Liberal Arts, which

divided into two different groupings. Three

subject, the Trivium, and the Quadrivium

(four ways). The Quadrivium was considered

to be the more important course of study -

Geometry, Astronomy, Arithmetic, Music.

The Trivium was Grammar, Logic, and Rhetoric.

So if something was Trivial it was related

to the Trivium - the easy things to study.

 

 

-----------------------------------------------------

P Diddy has been staying in a Paris hotel under

the name Frank Black.

-----------------------------------------------------

 

 

>> You've been framedski

Russia's Kylie gets punk'd

 

The Russian version of Candid Camera recently

set up a Russian pop star, Inna Gomez, to

film a fashion shoot at an army base. At the

end, the army commander offers her the chance

to shoot a Kalashnikov. Inna shoots in the air

as directed. At that moment a helicopter goes

past, and begins to descend rapidly. "Oh my

God!" shout the crew, "You've hit a chopper!

There were people on board."

 

Totally shocked, Inna clutches her heart,

having a panic attack or heart attack. They

ring for an ambulance. Later on in hospital

the producers tell the pop star it was

only a joke. Sadly, Inna didn't see the funny

side and refused to give permission for

the sketch to be shown on TV. Tsk, we can't

imagine Girls Aloud being such spoilsports.

 

Photos:

http://www.tden.ru/articles/bazzar/001879/

 

A little different - watch Jihad Candid Camera:

http://www.archive.org/details/bloodycomedy

 

 

-----------------------------------------------------

Be afraid. Lindsay Lohan's 12 year-old sister, Ali,

is here. Her first step to world domination?

Er, an album of Christmas Classics, Lohan Holiday.

-----------------------------------------------------

 

 

>> Things that make you go hmmm

Accountants, morticians, Beckham

 

Celebrity Big Brother winner Chantelle was

at Brent Cross Shopping Centre last Saturday

signing copies of her autobiography Living

the Dream. She was due to appear for one hour,

but left after 30 minutes because of the poor

turn out. She did sell 10 books though.

 

Poor David Beckham. As if he didn't have

enough problems:

http://www.beckhamcoverup.com/

 

Winter's finally here. Our thoughts naturally

turn to country music:

http://go.popbit.ch/2

 

Got a problem? Ask a philosopher:

http://www.amherst.edu/askphilosophers/

 

Forget the saucy priests... this year it's

all about the morticians' calendar:

http://www.menofmortuaries.com/

 

Excusive offer - win a £250 Swarovski Rolling

Stone T-Shirt. Answer four easy questions:

http://tinyurl.com/ygky82

 

Bad at golf? Upload a video of your swing to

win a Nokia N93 golf edition device. Don't

play? Just laugh at the others:

http://www.banthebogeys.com

 

Yo! Join the Hong Kong accountancy massive:

http://www.popbitch.com/videos

 

War Machines of Love is one of our favourite

new rock bands. Their debut single is out

this week. Listen/buy:

http://go.popbit.ch/7

 

 

***************************************************

The craze that is sweeping the US. Can you do

the Chicken Noodle Soup dance? Learn it now

ready for the Xmas party season:

http://video.umrg.com/webstar/chickennoodlesoup/

***************************************************

 

 

>> Chart Predictions

New entries/High climbers Sun 5th Nov

 

++ Number One

FEDDE LE GRANDE Put Your Hands Up For Detroit

 

++ Top Ten

BODYROX Yeah Yeah

KEANE Nothing In My Way

DEPECHE MODE Martyr

 

++ Top Twenty

THE GOOD THE BAD AND THE QUEEN Herculean

SIMON WEBBE Coming Around Again

BABYSHAMBLES Janie Jones

 

++ Top Forty

JAMIROQUAI Runaway

KLAXONS Magick

TENACIOUS D POD

MOBY New York New York

THE GAME It's OK

CHRISTINA AGUILERA Hurt

SUGABABES Easy

 

 

>> End Bit

Help Popbitch!

 

* Email stories, gossip:

hello@popbitch.com

 

* Popbitch is published by Popdog Ltd.

 

* Web hosting by: http://www.thebunker.net

 

* Mail by aysabtu

 

*****************************************************

Thanks to: AM, SW, N, dollymixture, scally_wag, br,

pauly, thegingerprince, SL, maddato, RA, NS, LB, LMM

johnsfinger, aphex chin, A total pedant, LT, JB, GG

*****************************************************

 

Old Jokes Home:

Q: Why should you never shag a dwarf with

learning difficulties?

A: Because it's not big and it's not clever.