sorry if you received in your inbox this morning.

 

be sure to sing it to the tune of I will survive!!

 

MALE VERSION

 

First I was afraid I was petrified

 

At the ugly slapper that was lying by my side

 

I would've drunk a little less,

 

I would've tried to keep my head.

 

If I'd known for just one second you'd

 

Assault me in your bed.

 

I tried to go, walk out the door

 

But you've been sitting on my legs and

 

I Can't feel them anymore

 

And now you're sitting on my face,

 

my nose has vanished - not a trace,

 

I only hope that you're big knickers aren't

 

Made of liquorice lace

 

I want to go, I've got to leave

 

Before your fat and naked body makes me want to heave

 

Only hope that no one saw me walking home

 

With such a slut.

 

God the things that you get up to when you're half cut.

 

Please let me go, I'm getting scared

 

There's nothing I can do to stop those ugly

 

Breasts from being bared.

 

I think that I must have been mad, God what

 

Made me want to court her?

 

With tits that look like Tesco bags I've just

 

Filled up with water

 

It's time to go, run out the door

 

She's started hinting she wants sex on her

 

Dirty lino floor

 

I don't think there's anything worse

 

Than the al-co-hol-ics curse.

 

I WILL SURVIVE !

 

 

To which the girls reply.........

 

FEMALE VERSION

 

At first I was afraid, I was petrified.

 

By the ugly w*nker that was lying by my side.

 

I would've drunk a little less, I would've

 

Tried to keep my head,

 

If I'd know for just one second I'd be in

 

Your crusty bed...

 

I tried to go, walk out the door.

 

But I laughed so hard at your small knob that

 

I've fallen on the floor.

 

Your butts a pimply mess, it's just a broken-out disgrace,

 

But I'd rather look at that, than at your

 

F###ing ugly face...!

 

I want to go, I've got to leave.

 

Your talk of chicks and football really makes Me want to heave.

 

I only know I've got to stop my drinking

 

Spirits and the beer

 

Coz when I looked at you last night, you

 

Looked just like Richard Gere !

 

Please let me go, I feel quite sick,

 

We had the worst sex in the world and you're

 

An ugly prick

 

I should have shagged your gorgeous mate,

 

At least he's got a lovely flat

 

But no I go and trust the booze and now I'm

 

Stuck with you, you twat.

 

It's time to go, run out the door.

 

You look so ugly it should really be against the law.

 

I'm going to give up all the booze, I'm going

 

To have no stupid fun

 

Coz waking up beside your mug, just makes me

 

Want to be a nun !

 

I WILL SURVIVE!!

 

M8, that's top!