no offence intended but am sure the ladies will appreciate this :rofl:

 

My boyfriend, not happy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the

other day so he would be able to monitor my moods.

 

When I'm n a good mood it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood it leaves

a big ******* red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy me a

diamond.

 

 

My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will make

you happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I

squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.

 

A couple are lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the

happiest woman in the world." The woman says, "I'll miss you."

 

 

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?

A: A rumor.

 

He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make Love to

you really badly. She said - Well, you've succeeded.

 

He said 'Shall we try swapping positions tonight?'. She said 'That's a

good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit On the sofa and

fart'.

 

He said 'What have you been doing with all the grocery money that I

gave you?' She said 'Turn sideways and look in the mirror you fat

*******'.

 

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?

A: 45 minutes.

 

 

Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart?

A: Through his chest with a sharp knife.

 

Q: Why do men want to marry virgins?

A: They can't stand criticism.

 

Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring,

and >good looking?

A: Because those men already have boyfriends.

 

 

Q: What makes men chase women if they have no intention of marrying?

A: The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of

driving.

 

 

Q: What do you do if you see a man running around with half a head?

A: Reload and try again!

no offence intended but am sure the ladies will appreciate this :rofl:

 

My boyfriend, not happy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the

other day so he would be able to monitor my moods.

 

When I'm n a good mood it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood it leaves

a big ******* red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy me a

diamond.

 

 

My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will make

you happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I

squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.

 

A couple are lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the

happiest woman in the world." The woman says, "I'll miss you."

 

 

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?

A: A rumor.

 

He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make Love to

you really badly. She said - Well, you've succeeded.

 

He said 'Shall we try swapping positions tonight?'. She said 'That's a

good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit On the sofa and

fart'.

He said 'What have you been doing with all the grocery money that I

gave you?' She said 'Turn sideways and look in the mirror you fat

*******'.

 

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?

A: 45 minutes.

 

 

Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart?

A: Through his chest with a sharp knife.

 

Q: Why do men want to marry virgins?

A: They can't stand criticism.

 

Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring,

and >good looking?

A: Because those men already have boyfriends.

 

 

Q: What makes men chase women if they have no intention of marrying?

A: The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of

driving.

 

 

Q: What do you do if you see a man running around with half a head?

A: Reload and try again!

No offence but it sounds like you have got one of them to a fine fart (I mean Art)http://www.300zx.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?t=56534

No offence but it sounds like you have got one of them to a fine fart (I mean Art)http://www.300zx.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?t=56534

 

You men have to be so proud of them. i just giggle :tongue:

Sounds like Jo Brand humour to me.

Shame there aint that many ladies on this forum for it to have much effect? Maybe that sort of humour would be better received on a feminists site? :smash:

He said 'Shall we try swapping positions tonight?'. She said 'That's a

good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit On the sofa and

fart'.

 

 

 

so Bens been doing the ironing lately then eh???? :tongue: :rofl: