September 19, 200520 yr no offence intended but am sure the ladies will appreciate this :rofl: My boyfriend, not happy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods. When I'm n a good mood it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood it leaves a big ******* red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond. My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will make you happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in. A couple are lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman says, "I'll miss you." Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man? A: A rumor. He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make Love to you really badly. She said - Well, you've succeeded. He said 'Shall we try swapping positions tonight?'. She said 'That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit On the sofa and fart'. He said 'What have you been doing with all the grocery money that I gave you?' She said 'Turn sideways and look in the mirror you fat *******'. Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? A: 45 minutes. Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart? A: Through his chest with a sharp knife. Q: Why do men want to marry virgins? A: They can't stand criticism. Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and >good looking? A: Because those men already have boyfriends. Q: What makes men chase women if they have no intention of marrying? A: The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. Q: What do you do if you see a man running around with half a head? A: Reload and try again!
no offence intended but am sure the ladies will appreciate this :rofl:
My boyfriend, not happy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the
other day so he would be able to monitor my moods.
When I'm n a good mood it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood it leaves
a big ******* red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy me a
diamond.
My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will make
you happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I
squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.
A couple are lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the
happiest woman in the world." The woman says, "I'll miss you."
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor.
He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make Love to
you really badly. She said - Well, you've succeeded.
He said 'Shall we try swapping positions tonight?'. She said 'That's a
good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit On the sofa and
fart'.
He said 'What have you been doing with all the grocery money that I
gave you?' She said 'Turn sideways and look in the mirror you fat
*******'.
Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.
Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
A: Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Q: Why do men want to marry virgins?
A: They can't stand criticism.
Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring,
and >good looking?
A: Because those men already have boyfriends.
Q: What makes men chase women if they have no intention of marrying?
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of
driving.
Q: What do you do if you see a man running around with half a head?
A: Reload and try again!