1. Select reading material (can be anything except a porn-mag;

tried by every man once, but never repeated - see step 4).

 

2. Tell everyone along the way, "Just going for a dump, okay?"

Always tell girlfriend/wife, especially when she has visitors.

 

3. Pull pants and trousers around ankles, then sit down.

 

4. Adjust penis and testicles to hang comfortably without touching

the toilet rim.

 

5. Open reading material and relax.

 

6. Whilst waiting, it is traditional to audibly fart.

 

7. Sigh loudly as the first one bullets out. It is quite normal to

experience a cold jet of water rocket up your anus as a result of the

first bomb. This is to be endured if you want to be a real man.

 

8. Remain sitting and reading until pins-and-needles set in to your

legs and buttocks.

 

9. Rise and look at the poo. Make mental notes of any irregularities

to report to friends and girlfriend/wife, e.g. colour,consistency,any

visible traces of peanuts, etc. You must tell people; about; it.

 

10. Take long length of paper and wipe anus. You must look at the

paper before throwing it into the pan.

 

11. Repeat step 10 until there is no longer any evidence of faeces

onthe paper.

 

12. Flush. If there is any residue left on the pan, under no

circumstances attempt to clean it off. In due course,

it will come away by itself. Or when your girlfriend/wife next uses the loo.

 

13. Leave the seat up. Leave the reading material on the floor (you

can use it again later).

 

14. Wash your hands once.

 

15. Vacate the bathroom, leaving the door open. It is important to a

man's self-esteem that other people smell his produce.

LMFAO.................. fvckin funny