Does anybody have an apprentice under their wing at work ??

I have just been given a young laddie, jeez, he is so thick.

I know we all have to start somewhere and I am all for passing on any knoweledge I may have, but this lad has made it clear that he is not interested. :mac1:

 

Really tight bolt on a 40 tonne trailer shocky, and as we were fitting new shocky`s, remarked to him that we would need the "hot spanner" to loosen the bolt. Hot spanner being the oxy/acetylene burning gear !!

Went to the office to deal with a customer and came back to find my 34mm combination spanner in the vice glowing cherry red !! :eek:

 

Asked him what the fook he was doing, only to be told "you didnt say how hot you wanted the spanner" :mad:

Incidentally, he drives a Nova !!

 

The wife says, "why do you take a drink?" It helps, thats why !!

 

Alan.......

Talking of apprentices!

 

Macca how are Jock and shunter getting on? :D

FFS Alan not back to youngsters in Nova's again is it.....we have 3 apprentices......2 1st and a 3rd yr apprentice, one of the younger guys is oki, the other is a complete space kadet, not interested in the slightest, cant stand still for 2 seconds, has to lean on something, he also fell asleep under a truck while turning the flywheel for one of the guys, but the 3rd year app has a gr8 attitude but is gettin guidance from the w/shop controller ie trying to brainwash him into thinking faster work....but the quality aint there...fooks up jobs right left and centre....i try and tell him to cool his jets and the speed will come but no....keeps making a horses dick of the simplest of jobs.....so guidance has to be from the right places not from the monkeys that are probably in control of most garages around the world who only think profit speed figures etc.

 

 

my 2p's worth...cheers John Crisp

but is gettin guidance from the w/shop controller ie trying to brainwash him into thinking faster work....but the quality aint there...fooks up jobs right left and centre....i try and tell him to cool his jets and the speed will come but no....keeps making a horses dick of the simplest of jobs.....so guidance has to be from the right places not from the monkeys that are probably in control of most garages around the world who only think profit speed figures etc.

 

 

Workshops always seem to be the same. I worked for a commercial main dealer many moons ago and the foreman seemed to go out of his way to keep the apprentices from learning anything usefull, If I was doing anything in depth say an engine or gear box job I would get the apprentice to watch or get him involved but if the foreman seen the apprentice just standing watching he would shout him away an give him a good quality job like a first service, or a van to polish or to sweep the floor. used to piss me off, after 4yrs you just end up with a time served mechanic with nearly as much knowledge as a valeter or fast fit "fitter". Guess what i'm trying to say is that it aint always the fault of youngsters out there. Ive seen a few good promising lads jack in the job because of the way they have been treated

 

john300zx is right in what he says about a lot of garages only being concerned with profits only he didnt go far enough what he should have said is maximum profit for minimum expenditure ie charge full rates for the Ist year apprentice carrying out the service on your motor :D

 

Rant over apart from what i said above only applied 15yrs ago. the youth of today are a different breed and

 

1. dont want to be seen dead in a smelly old workshop.

2. dont understand they have to work to earn money

3. dont want to get they're hands dirty

4. have delusions of granduer

5. want the world handed to them on a plate

 

Or is it just me speaking from experience ie

 

1. Yuckk Im not going to get a job like that wheres the prestige

2. What? your not giving me more pocket money, what do you mean get a Saturday job?

3. No way am I going to do a job like that id dirty my finger nails

4. I'm going to become an architect, a month later a lawyer, the next month an accountant etc etc

5. and dad ill need to go to uni and you can can pay all my fees and ill need accomodation and a car and as i cant afford the tax an insu :slap: fooooock of, grow up, stop mooching, an get a friggin job :hyper:

 

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: id print this of and hand this to number one son but i'd end up with a :mac1: of the missus

had several apprentices my last one had the good old smoke anything nin a rizzla paper attitude so going alond with this attitude id decided to test a therory and sent him to apd round the corner from the workshop with an envelope(not sealed) and promptley told him to take this to the counter and hand it over to whoever was there and specified do not say anything cos they might ask you too many questions and you might get confused and mess up this order so off he goes.. unfortuantley due to his dress sense big baggy hooded top with hood on over just as baggy overalls and wot seems to be their best trainers(apparantley safty boots hurt his feet to walk in lol) the guys at apd took him into a citazens arrest Adam phoned me on his mobile and i explained myself and appologised. what id written on the paper inside the envelope was " stay calm dont speak and hand over the money in your till " ahem posibly a case of a master tech being a bit silly pissed myself when he got back tho but yes hes from the same mould as every one elses apprentice by the sounds of it "why? yeah but why?" every bloody day

Ossian LOL !! :D

Our 17 yr old apprentice spray painter is in a league of his own !!

Been here less than 2 years and is turning out better paint work than some of the time served guys !! Guy just has a natural flair for it, and will I am sure, be in high demand one day. Oh, and he got his 1st car over the weekend,

Nissan 100nx !! ;) The wee man has individuallity all over him !!

 

Alan.....

maximum profit for minimum expenditure ie charge full rates for the Ist year apprentice carrying out the service on your motor :D

 

And people wonder why I don't trust garages :rofl: ;) Take the last service on the Toymota - £244 for them to change the oil and the spark plugs.. I kid you not - 2.3hrs labour @ £70/hr, £4.50 a plug etc.. Once it's out of warranty I think it's back to doing my own servicing, even if the car is only three years old.

 

2. dont understand they have to work to earn money

3. dont want to get they're hands dirty

 

Damn straight - I'm still getting little pikey scum (about 8-9 years old) come round every other night demanding "two quid for the guy" ffs! Nearly snapped their fingers off when I shut the door tonight :nelson: Grr, ruddy hate kids :o

 

When I was 15, you know what I was doing? I had a part time job as the village street sweeper...

Our 17 yr old apprentice spray painter is in a league of his own !!

Been here less than 2 years and is turning out better paint work than some of the time served guys !! Guy just has a natural flair for it, and will I am sure, be in high demand one day. Oh, and he got his 1st car over the weekend,

Nissan 100nx !! The wee man has individuallity all over him !!

 

Braw!!! not all teenagers are whingin spongin little gits then. Civilisation

might just survive!! :hyper: :hyper: :hyper:

Funny apprentice story time

 

One of the apprentices went to speak to his journeyman who happened to be working under a bus, the silly tit stuck his head between the front wheel and the arch, after asking his questions he tried to get out only to find his big ears were catching and there was no way he could get out, the mechanic shouted out to the whole workshop and we all gathered and watched the poor lad frantically run his head up round the arch but it was no good the arches tappered in towards the tyre at the bottom. after about 5 minutes he began to beg for us to turn the steering. we explained that this was far too dangerous and that it might rip his head off :D :D :D ( that was far too easy a solution). we gave him a couple more minutes to sweat it out then grabbed him by the legs an hauled him out :shock: you should have seen the state of his ears.

 

He never got caught like that again :D :D :D an ended up quite a good mechanic

Thats what is known in the trade as "a learning curve" :D

Hard way is always the best, you dont forget you see !!

 

Alan......

Who would be an apprentice nowadays in the motor trade, lets be honest here, the products are gettin more and more difficult to diagnose as there is so much reliance on electrics and now with multiplex wiring etc on a lot of new cars/trucks/buses ffs its software faults that can cause grief as well as chaffing wiring and the usual 'faults' that appear and then of course there is some loonie controller on your back moaning about Gross Profit on this job being out the window and budgets ffs, if an apprentice is working with you and see's the shit thats heading in your direction, as well as me, he would be like, wtf am i doing here and do i really want this as my job, so there are many issues that can make an apprentice lose interest in a short space of time other than him being a complete waste of space and not interested in the 1st place, being over keen can soon be knocked out of someone, again with special guidance from the controller of course.........as the saying goes...if a certain person was a ****er on the w/shop floor, they go places.

Enough warbling from me....cheers John Crisp

Who would be an apprentice nowadays in the motor trade, lets be honest here, the products are gettin more and more difficult to diagnose as there is so much reliance on electrics and now with multiplex wiring etc on a lot of new cars/trucks/buses ffs its software faults that can cause grief as well as chaffing wiring and the usual 'faults' that appear

 

True there John, I went to do some alloy welding on a fridge trailer last week and went to disconnect the battery from the fridge to be safe. Had to phone a specialist who came out, plugged in his laptop and took all the info from the fridge, I then carried out the welding job. After I was finished the specialist re-installed the info back into the fridges memory !! It tells you what type of load you are carrying, chilled, frozen or whatever and lets you know all sorts of stuff. It even tells you when and how long the rear door has been opened for !!

Cant wait to see that trailer 5 years down the line ?? mega problems !!

 

Any young lad considering a trade in the auto industry would be well advised to go into the electrical side. As you probably know, you need the software to check the installation of ABS or EBS systems nowadays... No computer print out, no plating certificate.

 

Its all hi tech now !! No wonder some young lads are a bit daunted by it all.

 

Alan

my first trainee was good, but got bored in IT and decided to become a copper, now wants out of the police and his old job back (not a chance)

 

my second trainee is excellent and I wouldn't swap him for the world :)

Tattooman,

One lad was sent to our paint supplier to ask for this. Paint supplier was on the ball and asked him which "clan" of paint, and would he be requiring 2pk for a quick finish or aqua base in case it was too be washed off !! ;)

Also asked him if he wanted the "sporran" to brush in the door checks !

 

Alan..........

Very nice indeed... :D :D

Funny apprentice story time

 

One of the apprentices went to speak to his journeyman who happened to be working under a bus, the silly tit stuck his head between the front wheel and the arch, after asking his questions he tried to get out only to find his big ears were catching and there was no way he could get out, the mechanic shouted out to the whole workshop and we all gathered and watched the poor lad frantically run his head up round the arch but it was no good the arches tappered in towards the tyre at the bottom. after about 5 minutes he began to beg for us to turn the steering. we explained that this was far too dangerous and that it might rip his head off :D :D :D ( that was far too easy a solution). we gave him a couple more minutes to sweat it out then grabbed him by the legs an hauled him out :shock: you should have seen the state of his ears.

 

He never got caught like that again :D :D :D an ended up quite a good mechanic

 

Now is that a classic or what..... :D

You should Nickname him "WING NUT" :rofl: :rofl:

my first trainee was good, but got bored in IT and decided to become a copper, now wants out of the police and his old job back (not a chance)

 

my second trainee is excellent and I wouldn't swap him for the world :)

 

Whos that then? :x:

Woohooo funny apprentice stories...one of the apprentices of the past who is now time served was draining a dalek in the pit (for waste oil), by luck it wasnt draining so by luck he unplugged the oil drain pipe and left the airline connected.....duhhh.....then bang woooshhhh....about 100 litres of waste oil everywhere...he was like covered from head to tail in oil....havent laughed so much in ages when he came out from the pit.....

 

ohh to be an apprentice again.... cheers John Crisp

Talking of apprentices!

 

Macca how are Jock and shunter getting on? :D

Think I would rather be Macca's Apprentice than Macca's Bitch a Mark :rofl:

Woohooo funny apprentice stories...one of the apprentices of the past who is now time served was draining a dalek in the pit (for waste oil), by luck it wasnt draining so by luck he unplugged the oil drain pipe and left the airline connected.....duhhh.....then bang woooshhhh....about 100 litres of waste oil everywhere...he was like covered from head to tail in oil....havent laughed so much in ages when he came out from the pit.....

 

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: yeh seen that happen a few times too!!!

 

Also heard of a mechanic getting caught out with one of these nasty peices of equipment (place I worked but happened before I started), went to drain the oil on a truck but the dalek was full so went to drain it. coupled it up and then plugged in the air line, only he'd forgot to lock the drain tray, it shot up caught him under the jaw and kept going till he smacked his head of the truck axle, thats where it stoped whith his head jammed and his hand now out of reach of the air line :D all he could do was scream through gritted teeth until one of the other lads heard, and came and unplugged the air line.

HHmmmmm yeah useless apprentices. Got a couple of stories. When I worked for Nissan we got our parts deliveries in 6' tall by 8' long cages and on one of our laddies leaving days we put a brush handle through his overalls and cable tied him into it and closed it all up and then wheeled him outside and pressure washed him off. It was the middle of winter with frost on the ground and he was out there for over an hour. His fingers were blue afterwards and he didn;t have a change of clothes so he squidged around all day LOL.

 

We sent another (working for TVR now) up to the tractor place around the corner for some KY jelly and they told him he was too young for that type of thing LOL

 

Now working for Landrover one of the technicians sent a lad up to our parts counter for a long wait so the storesman said "hang on I'll get you one". So he served another person, went for a fag, answered the phone and about 50 mins later he was still standing there. He told him to tell the technician he was working for that we didn't have any in stock and the mech told him he'd already had it. :rofl: He was like :confused: for about an hour! LOL

 

Another the same time was told to go to the gas place next door and get a bucket of pink welding gas not the green stuff. LOL

 

You could always do what we do in the stores. Have an appentice beating day. We use friday's as they are always that bit slower. He's 19 and 6' 6" and about 20 stone but the supervisor is an ex taikondo type geezer and quite strong so he gets him in a grip and just squeezes until he is rolling around on the floor in pain LOL. But he is a right cheeky bugger so he deserves it tbh.

 

Ivan

Many years ago I used to work for a double glazing company and down in the factory they played every single one of the old tricks and a few new ones on all the new boys at one time or another. However, once they were out smarted by one of the clever ones. They'd sent him of down the local supplies yard for some "half inch holes". The lad disappeared for most of the morning and eventually came back with some 1/4 inch washers. So they asked him what they were for and he said that he'd been looking everywhere but all they had was 1/4 inch holes and they'd have to file them out themselves ! :D LOL Basically, he'd spent the whole morning wandering round town doing nowt but making them think he was off on a big wind-up.

LOL to the stories, and I thought thick apprentices were only in my place of work....makes ya wonder what keeps them going when they get the piss taken out of them all day....I get the impression their heads would go down easily...until they strike back at the journey men....not today did we have an older mechanic trying to kid on set about our local 'thick tongue' apprentice.......only for Big Rab as he's known to end up making a horses dick of himself....the apprentice did a karate move and the big man ended up on the deck in a head lock....us 'old heads' have gotta watch out...the young team might be plotting a massive country wide 'payback' via apprentices text messagine each other all over the country...plotting our downfall......watch this space.....

Cheers John Crisp