A major earthquake measuring 7.8 in the Richter scale hit Liverpool in the early hours this morning. The epicentre was Bootle. Casualties were seen wandering aimlessly saying "bang out of order" "mental" and "that did my head in". The earthquake decimated the area causing in excess of £17.55 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementoes from Ibiza and Corfu were damaged beyond repair.

 

Three preserved areas of historic burned out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken before their giros arrived. The local paper reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered. They are still trying to come to terms with the fact that the damage was caused by something else instead of them. One resident Tracey Sharon Smith, a 15 year old mother of four said "It was such a shock, little Chardonnay-Leigh came running through the cardboard door into my bedroom crying. My hands were shaking so much that I could hardly Shoot-up when I was watching Trisha the next morning". Another local resident known as Macca said the earthquake would not stop him going to work, after all, the Taking without consenting, Burglaries and Graffiti would not do themselves. The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help with the crisis. Rescue workers were still searching through rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings which include benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Dukes, bone china from Poundstretcher and a number of Argos catalogues. However they were unable to save any furniture from Crazy George's.

 

How can you help?

 

This appeal hopes to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in the disaster. Clothing is most sought after. Most needed are Kappa or other tracksuits (his and hers), white socks to tuck the tracksuit bottoms into, Burberry caps, and Reebok trainers. Primark clothing is most welcome. Food parcels are also needed. They include Mcains Micro-Chips, Aldi Beans, Monster Munch, Nutella chocolate spread and Farm Foods pizzas. Alcohol is also in short supply, mainly Lambrini, White Lightening cider and Carlsberg Special Brew. Cash donations are also needed, 22p buys a Bic Biro for signing on purposes, £1.50 buys cheese & chips and £26 buys 200 Regal from Tommo who has just got back from Kavos.

LMFAO :D

LOL - I'm a scouser and agree with this one - Bootle is as rough as f**k!!

Dave

Eh, Eh, calm down, calm down :rofl:

PMSL !! Funniest thing I have read all day. Thanks!

:)

Another local resident known as Macca said the earthquake would not stop him going to work, after all, the Taking without consenting, Burglaries and Graffiti would not do themselves.

 

Part time job mate? :p

Spare a thought - I work in the middle of Bootle.....:)

One resident Tracey Sharon Smith, a 15 year old mother of four said "It was such a shock, little Chardonnay-Leigh came running through the cardboard door into my bedroom crying. My hands were shaking so much that I could hardly Shoot-up

 

Priceless :rofl: :rofl: