For anyone that has spent just a few too many hours in #hotsex on IRC...

 

Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as

"cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared

through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll see

below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an

online chat doesn't seem to quite get the point of cyber sex. Then again,

maybe he does...

 

Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?

 

Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I

work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are

36-24-36. What do you look like?

 

Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on a

pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart. I'm also wearing a

T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells

funny.

 

Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me?

 

Wellhung: OK

 

 

Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom.There's soft music playing on

the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table.I'm looking up into

your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and

begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.

 

Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.

 

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.

 

Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling.

 

Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.

 

Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.

 

Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk slides

off my warm skin. I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.

 

Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole

in your blouse. I'm sorry.

 

Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.

 

Wellhung: I'll pay for it.

 

Sweetheart: Don't worry about it. I'm wearing a lacy black bra. My soft

breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.

 

Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it's stuck. Do you

have any scissors?

 

Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I'm reaching back undoing

the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My

nipples are erect for you.

 

Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the

clasp.

 

Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your

tongue all over me.

 

Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts.

 

They're neat!

 

Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling

your ear.

 

Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and

phlegm.

 

Sweetheart: What?

 

Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.

 

Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of

my blouse.

 

Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a

plop.

 

Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing

your hard tool.

 

Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!

 

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.

 

Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and

out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.

 

Sweetheart: What's the matter?

 

Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.

 

Sweetheart: Are you OK?

 

Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.

 

Sweetheart: Can I help?

 

 

Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through

the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?

 

Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.

 

Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.

 

Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.

 

Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.

 

Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.

 

Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And

now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the

 

bedroom?

 

Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.

 

Wellhung: I found it.

 

Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.

 

Wellhung: Me too.

 

Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked

bodies pressing each other.

 

Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.

 

Sweetheart: Why don't you take off your glasses?

 

Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses

 

on the night table.

 

Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!

 

Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and

toward the bathroom.

 

Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.

 

Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the

toilet.

I lift the lid.

 

Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.

 

Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I

can't find it. Uh-oh!

 

Sweetheart: What's the matter now?

 

Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry

again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.

 

Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.

 

Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you

know...woman's thing.

 

Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!

 

Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck.

 

Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.

 

Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it

 

another second! Slide in! Screw me now!

 

Wellhung: I'm flaccid.

 

Sweetheart: What?

 

Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.

 

Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on

my face.

 

Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy.

I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.

 

Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my

underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.

 

 

Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm

feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture

frames and your candles.

 

Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.

 

Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of our

candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a

shocked look on my face.

 

Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!

 

Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!

 

Sweetheart:

LMAO .. That is quality

 

Nice 1

BLOODNINJA!!!!!

Yep that is deffinate quality :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

 

Dave

Sh*t Man that was hilarious!!!

 

Any more

 

Fas

I think Mr Shrimp/Herman posted a thread about 1 month ago with loads of these on!!!!!

 

Rich

Oh yeh i rememba!!!

There where loads and i didnt get time to read them all!!!

 

When i do ill search back for them!!!

 

Life goes by to fast these days not enough time!!!!

 

Fas

Here you go!!!

 

http://www.zone.ee/rennat/bloodcyber.htm

 

Arn't i kind!!:rolleyes:

 

Rich

Cheers Rich

 

Im laughin myself silly here!!!

 

Who likes vegetables (who was it on here who didnt like peas)

 

Bloodninja: Wanna cyber?

MommyMelissa: Sure, you into vegetables?

Bloodninja: What like gardening an ****?

MommyMelissa: Yeah, something like that.

Bloodninja: Nuthin turns me on more, check this out

Bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.

(pause)

MommyMelissa: is that it?

Bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.

Bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?

MommyMelissa: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?

(pause)

Bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... Sexily.

Bloodninja: I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of grains.

MommyMelissa: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.

Bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.

Bloodninja: Damn baby your right, this s**t is HOT.

MommyMelissa: ...

Bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.

MommyMelissa: What the f**k is this madlibs? I'm outta here.

Bloodninja: Yah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. *****.

MommyMelissa: whatever.

Yeah I remember that post from herman munster- crazy stuff.

well I'm a gardener but vegetables don't do anything for me!

Geoff.