(1)

 

> THE FIRST WORTHWHILE CHAIN LETTER

>

> This chain letter was developed by virile men in order to

> make their sexlife even more fantastic. As opposed to normal

> chain letters, this one costs nothing, and you can only win.

> Simply send this e-mail to at least 9 of your best friends

> who are just as virile as you. Then anaesthetise your

> wife/girlfriend, put her in a large carton (don't forget some

> ventilation holes), and send it to the person who is at the

> top of your list. Soon, your name will be at the top of the

> list, and you will receive 823,542 women through the post.

>

> Statistically, among those women, will be at least:

> 0.5 miss worlds

> 2.5 models

> 463 wild nymphos

> 3,234 good-looking nymphos

> 20,198 who enjoy multiple orgasms

> 40,198 bi-sexual women

>

> In total, that is 64,294 women who are simply hornier, less

> inhibited, and tastier than the grumpy old bag you posted off.

>

> And, best of all, your original package is guaranteed not to

> be one of those that come back to you.

>

> DO NOT BREAK THIS CHAIN LETTER

> One bloke for example who sent the letter to only 5 instead

> of 9 of his friends got his original bird back, still in the

> old dressing gown he sent her off in and in a 'slightly

> soiled condition', with the same old migraine attack, and the

> accusatorial expression on her face. Would you accept that back?

>

> On the same day, the international supermodel he'd been

> living with since he sent off his old girlfriend moved out to

> live with his best friend (to whom he had not sent the chain letter.)

>

> While I am sending this letter, the bloke that is in 6th

> place above me has already received 837 women and is lying in

> hospital suffering from exhaustion and soreness.

>

> Outside his ward are 452 more packages.

>

>

> YOU MUST BELIEVE THIS E-MAIL

>

> This is a unique opportunity to achieve a totally satisfying sexlife.

>

> No expensive meals out, no lengthy conversations about

> trivialities (that only interest women) just so that you can

> screw her.

>

> No obligations, no grumpy mother-in-law, and no unpleasant

> surprises like marriage or engagement.

>

> Do not hesitate: send this letter today to 9 of your best friends.

>

> PS Even when you have no girlfriend, you can use your vacuum cleaner.

>

> PPS This letter can also be copied to women you know so that

> they can prepare themselves for the great adventure that they

> may soon undertake.

>

> (Must dash, the post has just arrived.)

 

(2)Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean,

>two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one

>called Justin and the other called Christian.

>The prawns were constantly being harassed and

>threatened by sharks that patrolled the area.

>Finally one day during a tropical storm, Justin

>said to Christian, "I'm bored and frustrated at

>being a prawn, I wish I was a shark, then I

>wouldn't have any worries about being eaten".

>

>As Justin had his mind firmly on becoming a

>predator, a flash of lightning hit the water and,

>lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark.

>Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid

>of being eaten by his old mate. Time went on

>(as it invariably does...) and Justin found himself

>becoming bored and lonely as a shark. All his old

>mates simply swam away whenever he came close

>to them. Justin didn't realise that his new menacing

>appearance was the cause of his sad plight.

>

>During the next tropical storm, Justin figured that

>the same lightning force could change him back into

>a prawn. Lightning never strikes twice except in

>stories like these, but while he was thinking of

>being a prawn, a flash of lightning struck the

>water next to Justin and, lo and behold, he turned

>back into prawn. With tears of joy in his tiny

>little eyes, Justin swam back to his friends and

>bought them all a cocktail. (The punch line does

>not involve a prawn cocktail - it's much worse).

>

>Looking around the gathering at the reef, he

>searched for his old pal. "Where's Christian?" he

>asked. "He's at home, distraught that his best

>friend changed sides to the enemy and became a

>shark", came the reply. Eager to put things right

>again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set

>off to Christian's house. As he opened the coral

>gate, the memories came flooding back. He banged

>on the door and shouted, "It's me, Justin, your

>old friend, come out and see me again." Christian

>replied, "No way, man, you'll eat me. You're a

>shark, the enemy, and I'll not be tricked." Justin

>cried back " No I'm not. That was the old me. I've

>changed..." .."I'm a prawn again Christian".......

 

 

(3)

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they

get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in

heaven...don't step on the ducks." So they enter heaven, and sure

enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible

not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid

them,

the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with

the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says

"Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained

to this ugly man!"

 

The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck, and

along

comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing, and with him is another

extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same

admonishment

as for the first woman.

 

The third woman has observed all this and not wanting to be chained

for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she

steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but

one

day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever

laid eyes on... very tall, tan, muscular, and thin. St. Peter chains

them together without saying a word.

 

The woman remarks, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to

you for all of eternity?"

The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck."

 

 

dont shoot the messenger....

Excellent, but will you get stick like wot I did for my "Hare spray" joke? Me thinks not somehow! LOL!

 

Tim

;-)

 

Now that is truly sad, i mean have you nothing betterto do?

 

.."I'm a prawn again Christian"....... i mean really!!!!