Penned by my own hand, some time ago found it today when I was looking for inspiration to sort Sky out..

 

First things first if you are on your own then stop reading this letter right now. You should make a circle of ten people around it then hold hands to engage the full power of one whole brain cell. After the brain cell is engaged you can slowly start reading this letter making sure that you stop fully, to work out what every long word means!.

 

Firstly I need to congratulate the staff at Paypal for being such a bunch of incompetent tossers. But I must apologise for that comment as it’s really down to the recruitment process. Normally Paypals recruitment information says “if you can read this then you are over qualified to work at paypal”. But seeing as standards of education have improved even in third world countries somewhat in recent times they now recruit by asking two questions at interview “too thick for a Mc Job? Fancy playing with your testicles all day ?” If the answer is a groan or the interviewee rubs their crotch, or urinates in the corner they are hired. If not, they are told to re apply for a Mc Job after taking a series of IQ boosting pills from a local Rave that were recently made from out of date Horse Tranquiliser.

 

Needless to say if anyone at Paypal can sort this out I will personally send you half a Big Mac as well as some road kill for being so very very clever, so pay attention now!.

 

In an attempt to ward off any potential futile contact Paypal does its best to hide all lines of communication including contact forms and the Holy Grail of contact the “phone number”!. If you are persistent and spend a whole day on the net surfing instead of working you can however like me be rewarded with these details.

 

Despite Paypal now being added to my friends and family list I get very little satisfaction in being charged to input all kinds of Krypton Factor style data to win a position into the initial two hour queue that you operate. Without my quick thinking and sharp button pressing skills on the phone I get hung up on and have to start all over. Occasionally if you can pass the initial Krypton Factor questions and hold on without needing food, or a toilet break for a very very long time you get to speak to a poorly programmed Android. This Android commonly known as a “Job Bot” is programmed to see if you can remember the same Krypton factor questions that you had skilfully input all those hours before. When you explain that you have already entered that information and question why they need it again they start to go into a repetitive monotone loop for ages and ages until you give in.

 

 

 

 

If you can’t remember in your weakened and suffering state it is their job to force you to do it all over again from the start after you have had a toilet break. Occasionally as payment for getting this far you get an e-mail survey to complete about that specific “Job Bot” that you have tried so hard to communicate with. If it is negative enough it helps the Job Bot to get promotions?. Another thing the Job Bots do is say “Please hold the line” and then after it gets dark and your wife tells you that the cat has eaten your cold dinner hours later a recorded android says “All lines are now closed”. Some of the “Job Bots” are based in India or Peru or somewhere and you can barely understand them. They use this to there cunning and crafty advantage, repeating the same loop of monotone text until you submit to personal humility and failure. I’m not sure if policy is to route your calls to Job Bots abroad or Just have foreign Job Bots here in an attempt to throw you either way it works.

 

On two lucky occasions the Job Bots have falsely promised to help me in a cunning ploy to make me repeat this all over again! Eventually sick tired and exhausted of playing this game I start to get annoyed at the Job Bots in a futile attempt at resolution and that only leads to more frustration and the monotone loops of text repeating faster and faster!.

 

About two or so weeks ago I bought an Iphone for my wifes Birthday on Ebay. She opened it and having human traits decided that it was not for her. I said “don’t worry my dear wife I will sell it on ebay and buy you the one you want instead”. She smiled sweetly and pointed out the new phone she wanted, as she calmly stroked a soft Kitten at home. It seemed to be so simple I listed it on ebay, someone did buy it now and sent the money to my new e-mail address. I thought I wonder what I do to get this sent to my Paypal account and I got an e-mail from Paypal “You can receive this in a few simple steps” just click here to accept the money. Oh my God weeks later and whole days and nights of pain still no new phone. My account was barred by a remote senior Job Bot, The person who I was paying for a phone with has had the same treatment and now I don’t know where my money is or what else I can do to get her phone?.

 

Now listen to me, it was meant to be a Birthday Present, Not a frickin Christmas present. I have done everything a man can do. You have wasted loads of my time, Called me at home (another Automated Bot, that was better to talk to than the normal Job Bots), Faxed everything I own, played search the credit card statement, as well as find the happy delivery number etc. Please grant me the wish of once again making my wife happy. I want either my money or my phone this bloody year you arse holes!

 

I can give you no more, only my DNA and a used piece of tissue paper that I have in my pocket for nasal emergencies. I want this thing to end you have everything from me, I have nothing else to give except the last few rays of hope!.

 

Your incompetence so far makes me realise that people who stick pins in their eyes out of despair are the really lucky ones!!!.

I don't understand.. Are you saying you were unhappy with the service you recieved? I think you could have made your point a little clearer! :laugh:

 

If I were a Job Bot, I'd chuck your letter in the bin - just to piss you off! You're appealling to a firm who couldn't really give a toss about their customers, they have so many of you now, a few angry ones doesn't matter.:cursing:

 

Good luck with it bud, but I wouldn't hold my breath. I can think of very few companies (especially large ones) that offer any semblence of customer service these days.

Sorted after this letter very fast bud

Sorted after this letter very fast bud

 

awesome!!

 

I hate Paypal. I sold a car for parts and they closed my paypal because i had received too much funds. After, like you, giving them all my personal info my account is still barred. :asshole:

 

I can think of a few other companies who are just as bad. Sky, BT, any mobile network. Hate the lot of them

Yeah I have an ongoins SAGA with Sky they have been billing me for 3 boxes when I only have ever had two installing... dates right back to 2009... they owe me a good few quid as I have been paying about £150 per month since then. Every time I contact them they tell me it is sorted and it never is.

My missus sold some shoes to a Polish woman,recieved the money then posted them.Paypal sucked the money back out of her account because the buyer was using a fraudulent account and never answered any of my e mails asking for the money back,paypal boil my piss,feckin law to themselves.Glad you got it sorted Martin.Donnas money only amonted to £15 but its the principle.How can a firm not be answerable to anybody ?