A 78 year old woman wrote this to her bank. The bank manager thought

it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.

 

Dear Sir,

 

 

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my cheque with which I

endeavoured to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three

'nanoseconds' must have elapsed between his presenting the cheque and

the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honour it. I refer,

of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my Pension, an

arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years.

You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity,

and also for debiting my account £30 by way of penalty for the

inconvenience caused to your bank.

 

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has

caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas

I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to

contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging,

pre-recorded, faceless entity, which your bank has become.

 

From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood

person. My mortgage and loan payments will therefore and hereafter no

longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank by cheque, addressed

personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you

must nominate. Be aware that it is an offence under the Postal Act for

any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an

Application Contact Status, which I require your chosen employee to

complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know

as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.

 

Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be

countersigned by a solicitor, and the mandatory details of his/ her

financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be

accompanied by documented proof. In due course, I will issue your

employee with a PIN number, which he/she must quote in dealings with

me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I

have modelled it on the number of button presses required of me to

access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say,

imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

 

Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press

buttons as follows:

1-- To make an appointment to see me.

2-- To query a missing payment.

3-- To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.

4-- To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.

5-- To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.

6-- To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.

7-- To leave a message on my computer (a password to access my

computer is required. A password will be communicated to you at a

later date to the Authorized Contact.)

8-- To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 8

9 -- To make a general complaint or inquiry, the contact will then be

put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.

While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music

will play for the duration of the call. Regrettably, but again

following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover

the setting up of this new arrangement.

 

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New Year?

 

Your Humble Client

 

Remember: This was written by a 78 year old woman; (DOESN'T SHE MAKE

YOU

PROUD!!?)

Lol

Well done that woman go Grandma :) :)

:bow:

:rofl: Brilliant !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol

im gonna send that to my bank

phenomenal....

thats fantastic. really wish i had that kind of imagination!!

:rofl: :rofl: good ol' girl! reminds me of a John Cleese sketch he did for his video "How to Irritate People". In it he says how irritating it is when the bank contacts you as soon as you are in debt, and what we should do when we are in credit is to ring the bank up, pointing out that they owe you money, and would they like to pop over and have a talk about it! :bow: :bow:

Help The Aged...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Not Required :)

but I bet her drivings probably shit :tongue:

but I bet her drivings probably shit :tongue:

With such a sharp mind I expect she's one excellent driver and drivers some fast car like the 70 old lady in my village. She drives a Honda NXS and used to race at the Pod regularly, and still can out drive the twats on the road.

Go granny Top Stuff!!

do you have the REPLY to the letter.....would love to know what the BANK said ...... :rofl: :rofl:

 

Still LMAO.......

 

..

I want to do that to my bank :bow: :bow: