Great thread

 

http://forum.football365.com/index.php?t=msg&th=173351&prevloaded=1&rid=&S=8bf2181792261160c3361ca0db65e466&rev=&reveal=&start=0&count=40

 

Anyone pulled a strange bird ever? (or bloke for the lasses!)

A 33 yr old who asked me if I was raised in a convent :confused:

 

I pulled a 41 yr old with fake breasticles - oh i miss those puppies :D:D:D

Internet dating, alright apart from that one time...

 

Went to go meet her after speaking on the phone for 4 weeks. Never once saw a pic. She said she was curvy and attractive with GG Boobs.

 

The week of the petrol strike i went down on the train with my brand new wap enabled phone.

 

As i got off the train i spotted her on the phone to me:

 

6'2" tall

6 metric tonnes of shotputter

Purple Short Curly Hair

Moustache visible at 100 foot

 

Being the nice guy i was i ended being spotted and couldn't run away (why didn't i???)

 

She drove me back to her parents house then informed me her parents had gone away and her room was being decorated so we had to sleep in the same bed that night, locked the house door behind me and stuck the key down her top

 

Tried ringing my dad when she popped out to tell him i was coming back and i'd forgotten to lock my car up at the train station hoping he might get my way of thinking and play along only for him to turn around and say that he'd pick it up

 

Stuck there for the night, quibbling whether i should shag her or not just for the shear hell of losing my virginity but decided against thank god, i wasn't that desperate

 

She spent all night trying ot get in my pants and i escaped after she fell asleep snoring like a pig at 5am through the skylight window over the kitchen, over the fence and ran the 4 miles back into town all the way looking over my shoulder.

 

Second time was this girl i thought i knew by her name, got her number off a friend and started chatting her up via text only to find it wasn't who i thought it was when i went to pick her up....

 

all 6'5" of her, the zed leaned to one side as she got in then when at the pub over the course of 1 hour she drank 7 pints of cider and asked me in for a shag with her boyfriend watching :hurl:

 

Random dating has a lot to answer for lol :rofl:

i fooked a bird that told me she loved me and aasked if i would tell her where i lived

 

i responded with "why of course i will tell you wher e i live ya stinky hag, i live in a house now fook off"

had loads, went home with some lass one night only to find she was married and her husband had been at her mams with the kids for the night as they had been argueing. i had to hide in her bedroom whilst he collected his clothes for work. i had parked on the road blocking his car in. then when i come down after he left he two kids were sitting looking at me. one of them was in a full body cast.

 

thats just one of them, something different happens every week

was shagging a copper once and she did a check on the police national computer. she didnt know my surname or where i lived but had wrote down my registration plate. she started sending me letters. totally abused her position. she was a nutter

I had one of those, found out what I'd been up to (in a past life of course ;)) ****in warped in the head most of 'em...

especially as i had told her i was a good lad. was good fun using her handcuffs and for dressing up. could tell you a million stories. should write a book. lol i dont meet normal people

Okay guys here's mine out with the girls and some rather fit younger bloke knocks into me. His drink all down my top. Should have realized not a good start. Well we gets talking for about an hour but being stupid I thought he was interested in my friend.

 

I nip to the ladies as one does leaving said bloke with my friend thinking well that's it now. Come back to find hes off to get in the drinks and my friend says he's very interested in you he couldn't stop asking about you.

 

Later that evening while dancing he makes his move, His line was

 

"Leave the others, I've got something for you and his hand goes up my shirt"

 

I decked him and left him in a heap on the dance floor. :shock:

LMAO me too, thats where I went wrong :rofl: Turned out to be a head case anyway so she did me a favour! Single life is ****in bang on! Until you end up walkin into PC Strange :rolleyes:

Okay guys here's mine out with the girls and some rather fit younger bloke knocks into me. His drink all down my top. Should have realized not a good start. Well we gets talking for about an hour but being stupid I thought he was interested in my friend.

 

I nip to the ladies as one does leaving said bloke with my friend thinking well that's it now. Come back to find hes off to get in the drinks and my friend says he's very interested in you he couldn't stop asking about you.

 

Later that evening while dancing he makes his move, His line was

 

"Leave the others, I've got something for you and his hand goes up my shirt"

 

I decked him and left him in a heap on the dance floor. :shock:

 

Maybe it was a hot water bottle :x:

well last night i had a lucky escape i had this 6ft5 bird trying it on with me all night, not bad u might say but she had been slapped with every branch of the ugly tree, and if she climbed on you, you would go through the matress like chips anyway all night kept coming upto me saying give me a kiss, i said well i cant it's unprofessional for a dj to do such a thing, so the night ended she left i thought great i'm out of here only to find she was outside waiting talking to the doormen, so i said i'll be back in a sec to get something ran to my car chucked my cd's in and left quickly

Maybe it was a hot water bottle :x:

Well whatever he had planned I wasn't sticking around to find out LOL

He'd prolly have thanked you for it the day after.... :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: ;)

From the thread:

 

Re: Strangest girl you have ever pulled Tue, 18 July 2006 16:35

 

here's another a few years ago a (ex)mate of mine and i went for a drive he was a bit down because his bird dumped him(he was a prick so deserved it) and he wanted to go somewhere to cheer himself up so he told me about this bird he'd been shagging on the side for years and he reckoned she would shag us both!

 

thinking he was full of sh*t we get there and her granny opens the door-she was about 200 years old blind as a bat and deaf as ****!- so we go in then in she walks...she only had down syndrome! the dirty b*stard was shagging this retard for years!

 

so he winks at me and says he'll be back in a minute...30 mins later he comes back and right in front of the granny says "she's a great ride, go on in she wont mind!"

 

so i walk in still in shock about the whole thing and she is there on her back, buck naked her chest covered in his baby batter. i thought i would get sick. i made my excuses and left.

 

i could never look at him the same way again...

Thats just WRONG lmao

From the thread:

 

Re: Strangest girl you have ever pulled Tue, 18 July 2006 16:35

 

here's another a few years ago a (ex)mate of mine and i went for a drive he was a bit down because his bird dumped him(he was a prick so deserved it) and he wanted to go somewhere to cheer himself up so he told me about this bird he'd been shagging on the side for years and he reckoned she would shag us both!

 

thinking he was full of sh*t we get there and her granny opens the door-she was about 200 years old blind as a bat and deaf as ****!- so we go in then in she walks...she only had down syndrome! the dirty b*stard was shagging this retard for years!

 

so he winks at me and says he'll be back in a minute...30 mins later he comes back and right in front of the granny says "she's a great ride, go on in she wont mind!"

 

so i walk in still in shock about the whole thing and she is there on her back, buck naked her chest covered in his baby batter. i thought i would get sick. i made my excuses and left.

 

i could never look at him the same way again...

That is totally :hurl: :hurl:

another

 

Re: Strangest girl you have ever pulled Wed, 19 July 2006 14:40

 

Not one that happened to me, but a friend of my flatmate:

 

By all accounts this guy gets a lot of action, so it was not unusual for him to go back with a random bird after a night out. The one he pulled on this particular night got him back to hers, and they got undressed and got into bed. She had plastic sheets on the bed, which he thought was a bit weird but didn't say anything. She was sucking him off, when she stopped and asked him to open the drawer next to her bed. in it was a conical shaped device. he passed it to her, and she said tell me when you're about to cum. She then began to suck him off again and stuck this cone thing up his arse. Nearing the point of climax he said 'Im about to cum'. At that point she pulled the cone out and he jizzed everywhere and shat himself at the same time. He said it was one of the best feelings he's had in his life.

I pulled this girl called Jo from Peterborough in Tenerife the once (she was pretty fit as it goes, long blonde hair, decent bazooka's and nice to talk to). We were both absolutely caned and I decide to wander off into the toilets of some dody night club to give her a bit of a seeing-to.

 

Anyway, it was about 3am and from what I can remember we were both naked in the toilet and I remember thinking "This is going to be good". I'm sure I was about to stick it up her but the next thing I know is I wake up naked in the toilet and she's asleep naked next to me (bearing in mind this toilet is about 3ft x 6ft). It's somehow 10am (7 hours later) and I still don't know to this day (nor did she apparently) whether I actually knobbed her. We both laughed it off until we opened the toilet door to see the club totally locked up and some f**king rottweilers as guard dogs strolling around the bar area. We have to quickly scuttle back into the cubicle to avoid getting savaged to death or killed by rabies and have to sit in there for another 4 hours (which was quite a scream as I definitely did give her a seeing to then and she obliged with a couple of splendid bjs) until some guy opened the club for a drinks delivery.

 

Quite a night. I thought I'd just knob her, in and out in 5minutes then never see her again when in fact we both fell asleep and spent almost 12 hours with her in a toilet the size of a small broom cupboard. I won't mention the p*ss and vomit which was on the floor...

Re: Strangest girl you have ever pulled Sat, 22 July 2006 12:28

 

Pulled some bird on myspace after I aked if she took in the ass.

 

Anyway, get round to hers fully expecting to burst her backdoors open but she tells me it wasn't happening. Gutted. Then she decides she wants me to choke the f**k out of her whilst biting her tit to the point it was bruised for about a week after that.

 

There's something really strange looking up and watching a girl cum whilst your choping on her tit like Hagar the Horrible and she's going red/purple from the vice like grip round her throat.

 

Never did let me f**k her in the ass but did get to nearly fist it and then make her suck my fingers clean whilst I call her a dirty ****ing **** for doing it.

 

Gotta love fat goth munters.

I pulled this girl called Jo from Peterborough in Tenerife the once (she was pretty fit as it goes, long blonde hair, decent bazooka's and nice to talk to). We were both absolutely caned and I decide to wander off into the toilets of some dody night club to give her a bit of a seeing-to.

 

Anyway, it was about 3am and from what I can remember we were both naked in the toilet and I remember thinking "This is going to be good". I'm sure I was about to stick it up her but the next thing I know is I wake up naked in the toilet and she's asleep naked next to me (bearing in mind this toilet is about 3ft x 6ft). It's somehow 10am (7 hours later) and I still don't know to this day (nor did she apparently) whether I actually knobbed her. We both laughed it off until we opened the toilet door to see the club totally locked up and some f**king rottweilers as guard dogs strolling around the bar area. We have to quickly scuttle back into the cubicle to avoid getting savaged to death or killed by rabies and have to sit in there for another 4 hours (which was quite a scream as I definitely did give her a seeing to then and she obliged with a couple of splendid bjs) until some guy opened the club for a drinks delivery.

 

Quite a night. I thought I'd just knob her, in and out in 5minutes then never see her again when in fact we both fell asleep and spent almost 12 hours with her in a toilet the size of a small broom cupboard. I won't mention the p*ss and vomit which was on the floor...

 

And how is your wife these days? :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :D ;)

dont you find it worrying he's got all the dates and times but it happened to his mates?

And how is your wife these days? :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :D ;)

 

 

Lol - that's from the thread - not me!

 

Here's one that happened to a mate of mine...

 

He met a girl at a club and took her back to his parents house. His parents were away for the weekend. He shagged the girl in his parents bed.

 

He was doing her up the bum and broke her arse in some way - blood and sh1t all over the bed. He took her to hospital and came home to tidy up - but the mess had already soaked through to the mattress.

 

When his parents came back Sunday night he told them 'the dog had an accident on your bed'!

 

When he came home from work on monday they'd had the dog put town - they'd had it 12 years too.

LOL yeah it always happens to your 'mates' ;) I never knew you knew David Beckham..... :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

i pulled a bird in aiya nappa dirty cow she asked me to tie her up so of course id then half way through shagging she asked me to beet her i said gob smacked what u mean she replied strangle me while im cuming mmmm bit too kinky 4 me lol