15 Easy Steps to Sh1t like a Woman

1. Under no circumstances use any other toilet than your own,

regardless of any stomach pain may be caused whilst waiting to get

home.

2. With the toilet-brush, clean any residue left on the pan by your

boyfriend/husband. Also wipe his pubes off the seat with some toilet

paper.

3. Flush the toilet before starting. Then wash your hands.

4. Line the toilet seat with toilet paper (as other people may have

sat on the toilet since it was last bleached).

5. Stuff toilet paper inside the pan to prevent splash-back.

6. Pull panties down and sit. Some women may still prefer to squat

over the seat as opposed to taking the risk of touching it with bare

flesh.

7. Release solids, but strain to avoid making any sounds.

8. Rise and quickly flush before direct eye-contact is made with any

faeces.

9. Take a length of toilet paper and fold it several times to

positively guarantee that no residue will touch bare skin (about

five or six applications per role).

10. Wipe once and throw paper into the pan. Do not look at the

paper.

11. Repeat steps 9 and 10 at least thirty times. It may be

necessary to yell for your boyfriend/husband to find some more rolls to pass

through the door while promising not to open his eyes or pass any

comments. It is traditional to do this while he is trying to watch;;

sport.

12. Flush the toilet and replace the lid.

13. Wash hands at least three times with disinfectant soap.

14. Open all windows and spray approximately half-a-can of air

freshener.

15. Pick up all reading material left behind by your

boyfriend/husband and leave bathroom, closing the door firmly behind; you.