Well do ya believe?

I replied no (sorry James... :cry: )

 

Mostly because:

 

As a result of an overwhelming lack of requests, and with research help from that renowned scientific journal SPY magazine (January, 1990) - I am pleased to present the annual scientific inquiry into Santa Claus.

 

1. No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

 

 

2. There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.

 

 

3. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 22.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc. This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

 

 

 

4. The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.

 

 

5. 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecrafts re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The head pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

 

 

In conclusion - If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now - don't tell the kiddies!

Surely Queen Elizabeth weighs less than 353,430/4 tons. 14 stone max!

OF COURSE THERE REALLY IS A SANTA CLAUSE!!! Are you stupid or something? He's not like all this religion and god rubbish, he's for real! How else do all the presents arrive, and who else would be drinking the beer and cakes left out for him!?:p :) :dance:

I hardly resist the pleasure of giving you a straight proof of the

existence of Santa Claus.

 

Consider the following sentence S

 

If this sentence is true then Santa Claus exists.

 

or equivalently:

 

If S is true then Santa Claus exists.

 

S being that very sentence.

 

I will first prove that S is true.

To prove it, let us suppose that S is true. But then S is true and

"If S is true then Santa Claus exists" is true. But then

by the usual modus ponens it follows than Santa Claus exists.

So I have proved that from assuming S true it follows that Santa

Claus exists. But this is exactly what S says so I have given

a proof of S.

Now, we know that S is true. But S says exactly that if S is true

then Santa Claus exists. So by applying modus ponens again, we can

conclude that Santa Claus exists. QED.

:dance: :dance: JINGLE BELLS ,,BATMAN SMELLS ,,JINGLE ALL THE WAY:dance: :dance:

Originally posted by Herman Munster

I hardly resist the pleasure of giving you a straight proof of the

existence of Santa Claus.

 

Consider the following sentence S

 

If this sentence is true then Santa Claus exists.

 

or equivalently:

 

If S is true then Santa Claus exists.

 

S being that very sentence.

 

I will first prove that S is true.

To prove it, let us suppose that S is true. But then S is true and

"If S is true then Santa Claus exists" is true. But then

by the usual modus ponens it follows than Santa Claus exists.

So I have proved that from assuming S true it follows that Santa

Claus exists. But this is exactly what S says so I have given

a proof of S.

Now, we know that S is true. But S says exactly that if S is true

then Santa Claus exists. So by applying modus ponens again, we can

conclude that Santa Claus exists. QED.

 

 

 

Showing my dimwittedness here but.......I understand all the individual words, but are you sure you haven't jumbled them all into a random order? Bit like the old Morcombe and Wise with Andre Previn sketch...... "I'm playing all the right notes......but not necessarily in the right order":rofl:

Originally posted by jonnyd64

:dance: :dance: JINGLE BELLS ,,BATMAN SMELLS ,,JINGLE ALL THE WAY:dance: :dance:

 

 

Shouldn't that be "Jingle Bells, Batman Smells, Robin Flew Away"?:rofl:

Originally posted by x-biker

Showing my dimwittedness here but.......I understand all the individual words, but are you sure you haven't jumbled them all into a random order? Bit like the old Morcombe and Wise with Andre Previn sketch...... "I'm playing all the right notes......but not necessarily in the right order":rofl:

 

:D:D:D

 

Don't ask me, it was a cut / paste from google :D

Better be cos'

 

1. No more whisky and mince pies left by short person for Santa.

2. No expensive toy under the Christmas tree from "Santa" for Daddy. Cue eye rollin' from the boss.

3. Short person very distraught - nuff said.

 

I'd vote yes but I'm not allowed too as snail mail cannot find Blackpole or wherever the finance committee hides. :D

You cheat! Not that I've managed to get my head around it anyway.

 

It's obvious Santa exists - Pete's math points were very interesting, but they're flawed because they assume Santa can only take one form at a time. I'd have thought it was blindingly obvious Santa can be in many places at the same time... I mean, look around the shops at Christmas and he's friggin' everywhere! Personally, I reckon he's actually Agent Smith - all the baddies turn good around Christmas time... then normally appear in panto.

Originally posted by Herman Munster

I will first prove that S is true.

To prove it, let us suppose that S is true. But then S is true and

"If S is true then Santa Claus exists" is true. But then

by the usual modus ponens it follows than Santa Claus exists.

So I have proved that from assuming S true it follows that Santa

Claus exists. But this is exactly what S says so I have given

a proof of S.

Now, we know that S is true. But S says exactly that if S is true

then Santa Claus exists. So by applying modus ponens again, we can

conclude that Santa Claus exists. QED.

 

That argument is a bunch of fetid dingo's kidneys.

Originally posted by 51x

Personally, I reckon he's actually Agent Smith - all the baddies turn good around Christmas time... then normally appear in panto.

 

LOL

 

"It seems we have a present for you here, Mr... Anderson"

 

Perhaps he does all the deliveries in bullet time - that would explain it. But I've never seen him wearing sunglasses. Jada Pinkett-Smith is definitely an elf though.

Whooo Hoooo :dance:

 

Santa is winning :D

Yes there is a God. Doh, wrong post. :slap:

 

Anyway, yep, Santa exists. You just don't see him anymore cos all the children now are EVIL!! They all demand way too much, spend too much, talk to much on their mobiles (which incidently are better than mine) and are way too mouthy. So to cover up, some parents buy their kids pressies to pretend they're kids have been good enough to get some toys. This way the adults can boast about how good their kids have been and what santa has bought them, when in reality they have been evil little people, egging old peoples houses in Halloween

 

Sorry for telling the truth, but someone needs to say it.:dance:

:dance: :dance: of course santa can do it he has a ZED in the garage:dance: :dance:

i thought Michael Jackson was santa...........cos i've been told he can be found hanging out of kiddies chimneys at christmas!?!?!?!!?:nono: :shock:

MMM this one is a bit trickier than the god one as Saint Niclaus or whatever his name really did exist, but not sure about the red & white beardy bloke that was invented by Coca-Cola.

 

There is a kiddy fiddler link though, perhaps we could go for a double whammy and dress a priest up as Santa and stick him in debenhams' grotto for december.

 

However im gonna say no to Santa 'cos xmas always cost me loads of cash, therefore he's obviously ignoring me or doesn't exist.

Either way I don't believe in him.

Listen - Of course he's real, but he's an alien!

So he has access to time travel and teleporters etc, the chimney thing was just the people of old trying to explain the way he entered their homes without any sign of having burgled the locks!

 

..and the gifts he traditionally gave were mind altering objects designed to subjugate children before they grew older and more difficult to influence.

 

Sceptical? well then you try to explain the teletubbies and Boobah! (eh!?? got ya!)

 

..and the post about the fact that children are now too evil is definitely true! My kid goes to nursery with a bunce of psychotic midgets!

 

must go now, it's time for my injections, Nurse!!!!:dance:

Boobah! WTF is that all about???????

 

I thought I was having a flashback!