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The beer scooter explained!

Guest Ted Striker

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Guest Ted Striker

>How many times have you woken up in the morning after a hard night

>drinking and thought 'How on earth did I get home?'


>As hard as you try, you cannot piece together your return journey from the

>pub to your house. The answer to this puzzle is that you used a Beer



>The Beer Scooter is a mythical form of transport, owned and leased to >

>the drunk by Bacchus the Roman god of wine. Bacchus has acquired a large

>batch of these magical devices. The Beer Scooter works in the following


>The passenger reaches a certain level of drunkenness and the "slurring

>gland" begins to give off a pheromone. Bacchus or one of his many

>sub-contractors detects this pheromone and sends down a winged Beer



>The scooter scoops up the passenger and deposits them in their bedroom via

>a Trans-Dimensional Portal. This is not cheap to run, so a large portion

>of the passenger's in-pocket cash is taken as payment. This answers the

>second question after a night out 'How did I spend so much money?'


>Unfortunately, Beer Scooters have a poor safety record and are thought to

>Be responsible for over 90% of all UDI (Unidentified Drinking Injuries).


>An undocumented feature of the beer scooter is the destruction of time

>segments during the trip. The nature of Trans-Dimensional Portals dictates

>that time will be lost, seemingly unaccounted for. This answers a third

>question after a night out 'What the hell happened?'


>With good intentions, Bacchus opted for the REMIT (Removal of Embarrassing

>Moments In Time) add on, that automatically removes, in descending

>order,those parts in time regretted most. Unfortunately one person's REMIT

>is not necessarily the REMIT of another and quite often lost time is

>regained in discussions over a period of time.


>Independent studies have also shown that Beer Goggles often cause the

>scooter's navigation system to malfunction thus sending the passenger to

>the wrong bedroom, often with horrific consequences. With recent models

>including a GPS, Bacchus made an investment in a scooter drive-thru chain

>specializing in half eaten kebabs and pizza crusts. Another question



>For the family man, Beer Scooters come equipped with flowers picked from

>other people's garden and Thump-A-Lot boots (Patent Pending). These boots

>are designed in such a way that no matter how quietly you tip-toe up the

>stairs, you are sure to wake up your other half. Special anti-gravity

>springs ensure that you bump into every wall in the house and the CTSGS

>(Coffee Table Seeking Guidance System) explains the bruised shins. The

>final add-on Bacchus saw fit to invest in for some scooters is the

>TAS(Tobacco Absorption System). This explains how one person can

>apparently get through 260 Marlboro Lights in a single night.


>PS: Don't forget the on-board heater, which allows you to comfortably >

>get home from the pub in sub-zero temperatures, wearing just a T-shirt.

:rofl: :duffer: :hurl:

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