Guest Ted Striker Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 >How many times have you woken up in the morning after a hard night >drinking and thought 'How on earth did I get home?' > >As hard as you try, you cannot piece together your return journey from the >pub to your house. The answer to this puzzle is that you used a Beer >Scooter. > >The Beer Scooter is a mythical form of transport, owned and leased to > >the drunk by Bacchus the Roman god of wine. Bacchus has acquired a large >batch of these magical devices. The Beer Scooter works in the following >fashion:- >The passenger reaches a certain level of drunkenness and the "slurring >gland" begins to give off a pheromone. Bacchus or one of his many >sub-contractors detects this pheromone and sends down a winged Beer >Scooter. > >The scooter scoops up the passenger and deposits them in their bedroom via >a Trans-Dimensional Portal. This is not cheap to run, so a large portion >of the passenger's in-pocket cash is taken as payment. This answers the >second question after a night out 'How did I spend so much money?' > >Unfortunately, Beer Scooters have a poor safety record and are thought to >Be responsible for over 90% of all UDI (Unidentified Drinking Injuries). > >An undocumented feature of the beer scooter is the destruction of time >segments during the trip. The nature of Trans-Dimensional Portals dictates >that time will be lost, seemingly unaccounted for. This answers a third >question after a night out 'What the hell happened?' > >With good intentions, Bacchus opted for the REMIT (Removal of Embarrassing >Moments In Time) add on, that automatically removes, in descending >order,those parts in time regretted most. Unfortunately one person's REMIT >is not necessarily the REMIT of another and quite often lost time is >regained in discussions over a period of time. > >Independent studies have also shown that Beer Goggles often cause the >scooter's navigation system to malfunction thus sending the passenger to >the wrong bedroom, often with horrific consequences. With recent models >including a GPS, Bacchus made an investment in a scooter drive-thru chain >specializing in half eaten kebabs and pizza crusts. Another question >answered!! > >For the family man, Beer Scooters come equipped with flowers picked from >other people's garden and Thump-A-Lot boots (Patent Pending). These boots >are designed in such a way that no matter how quietly you tip-toe up the >stairs, you are sure to wake up your other half. Special anti-gravity >springs ensure that you bump into every wall in the house and the CTSGS >(Coffee Table Seeking Guidance System) explains the bruised shins. The >final add-on Bacchus saw fit to invest in for some scooters is the >TAS(Tobacco Absorption System). This explains how one person can >apparently get through 260 Marlboro Lights in a single night. > >PS: Don't forget the on-board heater, which allows you to comfortably > >get home from the pub in sub-zero temperatures, wearing just a T-shirt. :rofl: :duffer: :hurl: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bantambunny Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 F*cking Genius :rofl: hehe :duffer: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clarkmagpie Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 haha! all perfectly true! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest wozzer Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 Now i know how the F**K i get home every night .... thank's bud .... :rofl: :rofl: ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mick1 Posted September 26, 2006 Share Posted September 26, 2006 Fantastic :rofl: :rofl: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lamp Shader Posted September 26, 2006 Share Posted September 26, 2006 i love it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
300 tt nail it Posted September 26, 2006 Share Posted September 26, 2006 bang on pmsl mint Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.